Hysterectomy Recovery: 2 Months

For anyone reading this who knows me and knows how my last month has gone, you may know why I had to step away from blogging for an entire month. These blogs help me process information about my body and mental health quite well but a lot of what's been going on cannot be shared publicly. Therefore, I can't write about it here. Anything I would've put out in the last month would've been fake. So I waited.

But yesterday, I hit my 2 month mark since the second surgery (just under 7 from the first surgery) and it felt like a good time to come back to this space. I didn't feel mentally stable enough to be honest with you.

I won't go into exactly what has been happening for the last month but if you pay attention to social media, you may have some underlying instinctual suspicions about it. With that said, I am SO GRATEFUL that this didn't happen sooner in my recovery. The mental toll this has taken would've absolutely set my body back in unimaginable ways. Even having been at 4 weeks or so when a lot of things started happening, I feel like my body is absolutely still paying the price for my mental health but at least I'm not in tons of pain constantly.

Now that I'm at 2 months, I am still in a bit of pain and my stamina for, well, everything is still quite low. I went back to working full-time only 3 weeks ago and it feels like an eternity. By the time Thursday rolls around, I am barely hanging on. I have pelvic floor pain, incision pain, acid reflux (probably stress related) and abdominal soreness because sitting upright to do anything takes a shit ton of energy. Those muscles are still recovering after all. I have to keep telling myself this is normal but it feels like torture. I wish I could afford to take more time off but that's just not my reality. Doing "the best I can" feels like the hardest thing to do right now.

I wake up every day exhausted with fatigue, even though I've slept for 9+ hours. Even on tons of supplements and the appropriate medications, I am lucky if my brain is functioning by noon. I am trying SO HARD. What's really frustrating is that this is how I felt pre-surgery for about 1.5 years. Nothing has changed. But I have to keep reminding myself that it took AN ENTIRE 3 MONTHS to feel better after the first surgery. And I did feel noticeably better. So I suppose the week of my birthday is the last week I'll feel this way (wishfully manifesting). But in the meantime, I AM STRUGGLING and it's ok to admit that.

I try to keep the "negativity" (realism) to a minimum on my socials because the toxically positive people start to jump out at you in the DMs. Thinking positive doesn't negate the truth. I AM thinking positively as often as I can but I can't ignore this extreme fatigue; I'll hurt myself. And yes, FFS, I DO YOGA WHEN I CAN AND DRINK PLENTY OF WATER.

All this just to say I am super grateful for having made it finally to 2 months post-op for a second time this year but I recognize that I still have a long way to go. I am trying my absolute hardest to "get back to normal" but it's been the hardest uphill battle I think I've ever faced, let alone the mental health of it all.

We celebrated 2 months yesterday by hanging out with one of my favorite people (photo below, Melanie Mercadante pictured in middle) at her band's EP release show. (Check out Nopesetic on streaming platforms... They fucking rock!) We grabbed some Mexican food beforehand with some fam and headed over to the show afterwards. We had a lovely time but I am constantly reminded that my body isn't going to tackle these physically taxing situations easily yet. So yes, I am hurting today but I am also so happy I am well enough (barely) to still go support my friends.

I cannot WAIT for this year to be OVER. 🥳

<3 E