Endo Excision: Day 57 (some good news)

I've been back to working three days a week for exactly one week and I'm already exhausted...

What people don't tell you is how hard it is to get back to work and then have your friends and family perceive that as you being "better". Well, yes, I am somewhat "better" but I have a long way to go and another surgery ahead of me soon. My surgeon said it could take 3-4 months to see improvement from this first surgery. And it's not even been 2 months just yet.

It's really becoming difficult to deal with these comments of "betterness", even though I know they truly have such good intention. It all goes back to hearing "you don't look sick" for 20 years and it triggers me all over again, but I try to remember that isn't their fault. I still tend to tell them my truth as politely as possible but it doesn't change how freaking depressing that truth is.

It's such a hard balance of being incredibly grateful for people's well wishes but then also being so sad that it's not true. I do wish so badly that looking and acting healthier meant I was truly was "better". I loathe spending all my time pretending and masking. That in itself is exhausting let alone trying to keep up with a work schedule.

In any case, it is true; I am a certain amount of "better", but as you can see by today's photo, I'm still dealing with swelling and bloating, and within the last few days, more pelvic floor pain than I have had in my entire last month of recovery. I think getting back to work even part-time is taking its toll on my body but I can't afford to continue to coast by on the GoFundMe funds.

I have manage to hoard about half of what we raised on GoFundMe because whenever I do have that second surgery, I'm going to be out of work again for probably 6 weeks or so. Thank goodness for that.

What's keeping me going today is creativity on multiple levels. We finally confirmed a 10-year anniversary show for ELSIE BINX, along with some amazing details and ideas about how to make it really special. AND THEN, I get to write music tonight with a lovely human named Dallas. And we never get to do that. So today is a good day even though my health isn't the best it's been. I've just decided that I'm going to push through and enjoy what we've built.

E <3